You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
