Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
