His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
