My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
