I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
