i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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