so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
