You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
