I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
