she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
