Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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