remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
