I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
