i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
