The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
