Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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