TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
