Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
