I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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