Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
