i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
