He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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