I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Holy sore nipples Batman
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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