Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
