god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
