I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so let's talk penis.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
