just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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