She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
birth control should be required to get into college
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
