why didn't you poke me back
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
