yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
