How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
