apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize