they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
