Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
