i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
