I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
