Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
