evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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