Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
fuck your aforementioned shoe
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
