it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
