It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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