Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
