be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
