when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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