I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My feet surprised me
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