Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
