He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
