I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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