My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
