wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
A bitchslap is in order.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
